


The Infinity of the Universe

by PointlessFanfictions



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Galra Keith (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Original Character(s), POV Original Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23411434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PointlessFanfictions/pseuds/PointlessFanfictions
Summary: Michelle Walker and her best friend James attends the Galaxy Garrison together in hopes of becoming astro-explorers in the future. Everything is going great until she, thanks to a couple of unfortunate events befriends the awkward loner no one talks to, Keith. Who knew that a few innocent actions would turn her life around? Well, she certainly didn’t.
Relationships: Keith (Voltron)/Original Character(s), Keith (Voltron)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	1. A Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> Before we start there is a couple of facts I want to mention to hopefully prevent any confusion:
> 
> \- I'm neither british or american, so an interesting combination of words may appear in this work of fiction. There also might be a few spelling or grammar mistakes so try to ignore those :D
> 
> \- I tyo to be as accurate with the canon storyline of Voltron as possible in the way of copying scenes from the actual series, but of course there will be some changes to fit my original character in and make the story more believable etc.
> 
> \- The events happening in the beginning of this book is probably going to be much closer to each other in time than they are canonly. The characters will also be pictured as older in the beginning, just to make it a bit more believable.
> 
> So, with that out of the way, happy reading!

_ “Bank right and maintain heading at 0.27 degrees.” _

It’s monday and my group is doing a simulation, as usual. The first class during mondays are always simulations, and I’m always tired, which makes my accomplishments during this hour less good. Today though, we’re just doing formation simulations, so I allow myself to get a little more off-guard than usual.

_ “Increase throttle by 35 percent and bank left.” _

I do as Commander Shirogane says. I know the controls on the simulator by heart now, and how it reacts when I use it, which makes the exercise easier, but some of the others struggle a bit more. Every time we are given commands I hear groans. The only one that doesn’t seem to have a hard time getting by except for me is Keith. He never has. Even when we do the hardest tests in our grade I’ve never seen him look anything else but calm. He’s a natural when it comes to flying. I just wish he took his studies more seriously, because if he did, he would be one of the best in our grade. No, I’m not obsessed with him, I’m just very observant.

_ “Increase elevation, 15 degrees.” _

“Uh, I’m getting dizzy,” I hear Hunk say through our connected speakers. “I knew I shouldn’t have eaten so much.”

“And you should also try to do something about your motion sickness.” I tell him.

“Hey!” He yells at me. “I can’t help it, and the pills just makes me sleepy!” 

“I know, Garret. Just fooling around with you.” I smirk. 

“Ha ha. You’re so funny.” He says, clearly annoyed. “Oh, make it stop!”

Suddenly, Keith accelerates and flies over Lance’s virtual plane, which makes the brown-skinned boy growl. Keith flies back into position.

_ “Fall in line, cadet!”  _ Commander Iverson orders through the speaker.

“Sorry, just testing my controls” Keith says calmly. “Stick’s loose.”

“Keep this up,” Lance says. “and you’ll be stuck as a cargo pilot.”

“Yeah, Keith,” James Griffin continues. “You’re gonna get us in trouble.”

I sigh. James has never liked Keith, and it doesn’t make things better that he doesn’t have a filter about what he should keep to himself. He’s always picking on the mullet to make himself superior.

_ “Decrease elevation by 22 degrees.” _

When he hears that, Keith takes off and leaves the formation, and a united  _ Keith!  _ is heard through the speakers.

Iverson orders us to land our ‘ships’ and to get out of the simulation tubes. When I get out, Griffin waits for me outside, probably to rant about Keith to me. Turns out I’m correct.

When walk past him he follows. “Amazing how the boy has the guts to do like that, when he knows all of us are gonna get in trouble.”

“Hasn’t it occurred to you that the reason he does it is to get us in trouble?” I ask him. “I mean, it must be more pleasing to disobey if he knows the entire group is gonna get into shit because of it.”

“You’re probably right, but still. Shirogane should teach him some self-control.”

\-----

“Hope you all like it in the simulator,” Commander Iverson says to the line of cadets. “You can thank Pilot Fancypants over there for the privilege of spending the next three weekends in here running  _ drills _ !”

The commander emphasizes the last word as he leans forward to Keith and glares at him. The boy doesn’t even look at him, just at a random spot in the wall in front of him.

When Iverson continues to march in front of us James looks at Keith with a dirty look. “Thanks a lot.”

I nudge him with my elbow and he looks at me just as dirty. 

“My pleasure,” Keith responds, his gaze still not leaving the spot on the wall.

“We all know the only reason you’re here is because of Shiro,” James says and in the corner of my eye I can see Hunk freezing to my right.

“Griffin!” I snarl and he looks back at me. He’s not just crossing the line, he’s leaping over it like a goddamn kangaroo.

“What? You know I’m right! Someone needs to say it!”

“No, they don’t!” The small talk in the line quiets and everyone’s attention is drawn to us. “This is just unnecessary.”

“Are you seriously protecting the loner?” James raises his voice. “You’re unbelievable! He’s the reason we’ll be stuck here for three weekends, you know that, right? If anyone in is ‘unnecessary’, it’s definitely him!”

“Really? I can outfly  _ anyone  _ in this building!” Keith joins in and we make eye contact for a millisecond.

“Oh, yeah?” Griffin says mockingly, and I can sense that the next thing he says is going to hurt. “Is that what mommy and daddy told you before-  _ hmpf _ !”

Before I can even react James falls into my arms and I would’ve lost my balance if not Hunk had put his hands on my back and pushed me back up. 

The brown-haired boy charges at Keith and manages to hit him once on each side of his face. Keith is quick to aim at him with his fist high up in the air. James dodges and instead, the mullet punches my shoulder. The sudden wave of pain makes me happy it didn’t hit Griffin’s face. Damn, that boy is strong.

I take a hold on James’s arm and pull him back because no one else does. “Stop!”

He shakes me off and gets ready to punch Keith once again, but this time, I grab his shoulders. The element of surprise makes it able for me to throw him to the ground, and so I do. I then straddle his waist and press down his shoulders. “I said stop!”

The look on Griffin’s face is priceless, but I can’t enjoy it for long. A pair of arms drag me away from him. “Hey, break it up!”

Commander Iverson puts me down a meter from the others and glares at the three of us. “You three to the principal's office, now!” He looks at me. “I expected more of you, Walker!”

“Commander Iverson,” I begin. “I just tried to stop the fight! I-”

“Shut it, cadet!” He shouts at me and I clench my fists.

\-----

“Understood, I’ll handle it,” I hear Shirogane say from the principal’s office.

I sit beside Keith in the little waiting room outside. A little table is separating us from James who is sat on the other side of it, glaring in our direction. He is furious, probably at me for taking Keith’s side in the fight and not his. Sure, James is my best friend and has been since we were little kids, but it wasn’t right of him to say the things he said.

I close my eyes and pray the principal will understand the situation.  _ So much for trying to do the right thing. _

I hear the door open and feet walking through it. I also hear Shirogane move towards us. “Hey,”

“Look, I know I messed up,” Keith responds. “You should just send me back to the home already. This place isn’t for me.”

“Keith, you can do this,” Shirogane says, and I brace for the pep-talk of the century. “I will never give up on you. But, more importantly, you can’t give up on yourself.”

“You don’t even know me!” Keith sounds shocked.

“You’re right, I don’t. But sometimes, we all need a hand.”

I open my eyes to see Shirogane hold out his hand for Keith to grab, and then I close them again.

“See you later, then?” Shirogane asks.

“Yeah.” Keith answers.

Shiro walks away, while we sit in silence. Then, the mullet speaks up. “Hey, thank you for supporting me, I guess.”

“No problem, I guess,” I respond. “I’m just so tired of Griffin’s need of picking at people and this time, I had enough of it.”

“That’s understandable,” Keith admits. “But I started the fight, why did you stop him and not me?”

“Because Griffin asked for it. He always does,” I say bitterly. “You wouldn’t have punched him if he didn’t say what he said.”

Silence again. This time, I’m the one who speaks. “I don’t know where I’ve heard it or who it was who said it, but there is this saying that goes ‘ _ pick your fights wisely, but when you do, punch first and punch hard’. _ In my opinion, you did the right thing, and Griffin is in fact an idiot, so he kind of deserved it.”

“Maybe you’re right, but I don’t think the principal thinks as you do.”

Ironically enough, the door opens and Keith is called in. He gets up from his chair and walks towards the entrance to the office. Before he walks in through the door, he stops for a second and smiles at me, and I think it’s the first time I’ve ever seen him do so. Whatever happens next I don’t think this was the end of us, but instead a start of a nice friendship. Only fate will know.


	2. Starry Night

I’m on my way to the cafeteria for lunch. James still doesn’t talk to me after what happened this morning, and now I realise how lonely I really am. I mean, I really like Hunk and Lance, but they’re closer with each other than they are with me, and my other best friend, Tiffany, goes in another group and doesn’t have the same break times as me. I’m always with James, and now, I’m with no one.

I follow the other girls in my group to get food, but I’m not actually talking with them. Nor do they include me in their conversation. I guess I’m just their tail, and now I feel embarrassed for being one. I look back to see James casually talking with Sonia, another girl in my group. He doesn’t even see me. 

After getting food, I stand in the middle of the hall, looking for a table to sit. James walks past me without even acknowledging I’m there and sits down with some of his guy friends, including Hunk and Lance. I continue to look around. I don’t even know most of the people in here, considering how big the school is. I’m looking like an idiot just standing here, goddamnit.

To my surprise, someone puts a hand on my shoulder. I turn around to see Keith smile at me shyly. “Wanna sit together?”

I breathe out in relief. “Yeah.” 

Saved by the mullet.

I walk after him in search for an empty table and we end up sitting down by one in the corner of the hall. I look down and fiddle with my bead bracelet in search for words. I have absolutely no idea what to say to him. We say hi sometimes when we walk past each other in the corridors, but that’s it. I have never actually had a casual conversation with this guy and I know nothing about him, except that his parents are a sensitive subject and that he’s somewhat friends with Commander Shirogane. Me and James always have stuff to talk about, same with me, Hunk and Lance, but what do other people talk about? What does  _ Keith _ want to talk about?

“So… How are you doing?” He asks.

“I guess I’m doing fine, and you?”

“As usual.”

“And how is ‘as usual’?”

“Fine, I guess.”

Awkward silence. 

“I am so sorry.” Keith says. “I don’t really know how to talk to people.”

“It’s okay,” I respond. “Apparently, I’m no good either.”

“Is James still mad at you?”

“Yep, and he’s, like, the only one I talk to.”

“But Lance and the others?”

“Not as much as Griffin.”

“Oh.”

Well, small talk isn’t Keith’s thing, to say the least. Maybe this was a bad idea.

\-----

All the classes are over for today and I'm in my dorm room, strumming on my guitar in my sofa. I've changed from my uniform to sweatpants and a tank top, because I there is no air condition in here and I tend to get warm easily. My roommate, Tiffany, sits on her bed doing homework. For some reason, my playing doesn't annoy her, but when I study, something as small as her breathing can make me wanna throw my books into a wall. Maybe I just hate studying.

"Do you know the answer to 236.B in the exercise book in Math?" She asks. "I've been trying to figure it out for five minutes now."

"How do you think I'll remember one part-question when we do like 20 of them every day?" I answer.

"I don't know. Can you check your answer?"

I put my guitar back in its stand. "Sure."

I get up from the sofa and walk over to my desk to get my notepad I use for maths. Just when I'm about to give it to her I hear a knock on the door, so quiet I'm not sure I didn't just make it up. "Did you hear that?" I ask Tiffany.

"Yep," She says. "It's nine thirty, who is stupid enough to be out past curfew?"

"I don't know," I say. "Let's find out."

A part of me really hope it's James coming over to apologise, but it's highly unlikely. He never apologises, he just goes back to how things were, pretending fights never happened. Who could it else be? It can't be a commander, because the knock sounded like it didn't want to be heard, and Lance never takes me with him on his nightly trips, since I don't live in his dorm.

I open the door quietly, and suddenly, I see Keith standing in front of me, a hood over his head, smiling shyly like he did in the cafeteria. "Hey."

"What are you doing here?" I whisper. "It's past curfew! And how did you find out where I live?"

"Well, as you might have noticed, I don't like following orders," Keith smirks. "And your ‘address’ is written on the wall on the right side of the escalators, so it wasn’t really that hard. Follow me."

Before I manage to answer, Tiffany interrupts me. "Who is it?" 

"Uh, no one," I say back before I take a few steps towards her and tosses my notebook to her. She catches it and looks at me in confusion. I smile. "I'll be back soon, you don't have to wait around for me if it's getting late."

"But where are you going?" She asks, still confused.

"I don't know." I say and chuckle. "See you later!"

I walk back over to Keith, who's leaning against the doorframe. I follow him out of my dorm and the door closes automatically. "So where are we-"

Keith stops me by putting a finger to my mouth and I realise how loud I spoke. "You'll see soon," he whispers. "Now, be quiet, or they'll hear us."

I continue to follow him through the corridors. It feels strange to see them like this, lights out, completely empty, the only sounds coming from our suppressed footsteps. I’ve never been out past curfew before, simply because I haven’t had a reason to. What do people actually do when they’re out like this?

Keith stops in front of a door, and I almost run into him. When I take a closer look at it, it says ‘staff only’, and I remember walking past it multiple times during daytime. “Are we even allowed to be here?”

“No.” Keith says. “We aren’t allowed to be out of our dorm at this time either, but look at us now.”

_ Great, now I feel stupid. _ Keith enters a password and the door opens. I follow him up through the long staircase, almost tripping over myself due to the lack of lights. At the end of the staircase there is another door, and now I think I understand where the boy is taking me. Keith looks back at me, his eyes almost glowing in the dark, and smiles, more confident this time. “I want to show you something.”

He pushes the door open and walks out of it, me following closely behind. What’s outside makes me forget how to speak.

I’ve lived in the city my entire life, and I’ve never been out nighttime at the Garrison. In other words, I’ve never seen a clear night sky, ever. The door we just walked through went to the roof of the huge building, and now the only thing in my vision is stars. So many stars I can’t even bring myself to count them all. So many I doubt there is an end to it. Some are bigger than others, some smaller. Some are connected, some are not. There are also faint shades of purple and blue mixed with the black. It feels like we’re standing on the gate to the rest of the universe, and if this is how it really looks, I can’t wait to see more of it.

“Beautiful, right?” All of a sudden, I become aware that I’m not alone on the roof. I look over to my left to see Keith stand there, looking at me. It’s hard to explain, but it almost feels like he  _ belongs _ in the night sky. His hair is in the same hue as it, and his eyes shimmers, just like the stars. This is a part of him he never shows the rest of the world. He looks so peaceful it’s almost disturbing, but absolutely beautiful. I blush when I catch myself thinking that, but it’s true. “Do you come here often?”

“Almost every night,” He answers. “It’s so quiet here, gives you the right headspace to think.”

We sit down on the roof, and I can’t stop looking at the infinity of stars. Living in the city makes you forget beautiful things like this.

“I like to think we’re not alone in this universe.” Keith says. “I mean, it’s so big, it would be more weird if we actually were alone, but still.”

“I wish we could travel further than we do now,” I answer him. “There is so much more in the universe for us to see, but the limitation of our human tech stops us.”

“Agreed.” Pause. “The reason I brought you up here with me was because I don’t feel like I did you justice at lunch today.”

“‘Did me justice’?”

“As I said, I’m not good at talking to people, especially not in public. You did in fact help me in the fight with James, putting your friendship at risk, and I felt bad for barely talking to you afterwards. Plus, I want to show you that I’m not as weird as I might seem. You seem like the sweetest girl, and that you even care to talk to me means a lot. I think you’re the first one except Shiro to do that.”

“Oh.” His words throw me off-guard. I didn’t expect him to say all of that, nor that he thought that I was ‘sweet’. What do you even answer to something like that?

“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, although that wasn’t the first time.”

“No!” I blurt out. “You don’t make me uncomfortable, I just… uh, needed a moment to process what you said.”

Nervous chuckle.  _ Well done, stupid _ . “Keith, I don’t think you’re weird at all, and the fight was nothing. If James doesn’t talk to me, it’s his own decision, although I understand him. I’m not so sure I’d talk to him if he threw me on the floor in front of our entire group, to be honest.”

Keith laughs, and it sounds so innocent. “You did in fact make a big fool of him there.”

“Yeah, I did. It was hilarious.” I can’t help but laugh myself. “You should have seen his face up close like I did, I’ve never seen him as embarrassed as then.”

“I would in fact die to see that face up close.”

I drag my knees to my body and rest my chin on them. It was a while since I’ve felt this calm, and until this morning, I could never have imagined it would be with  _ Keith  _ of all people.

“This might be a weird question,” He says after another moment of complete silence. “..but do you ever miss your parents? Considering we don’t live at home right now.”

“Oh boy, where do I start?” I ask, more to myself than to him. “My father died when I was just a few years old, leaving me and my mom alone. It didn’t make things better that our relatives weren’t that close to us, either. Since then, it has just been me and her. We lived together in a small house on the outcast of the city, and although it wasn’t much, we had each other. I can’t help feeling bad for leaving her to attend the Garrison, but she insisted that I should follow my dreams, so that’s what I did. I miss her lots, even though I call her almost everyday.”

“You two seem to have a good relationship.” Keith states.

“Yeah, we do,” I say. “I can’t wait to get home to her over summer break. How about your parents?”

I realise that I shouldn’t have asked the moment the question leaves my lips. Keith averts his gaze to his feet in front of him and sighs. 

“Sorry,” I say quickly.

“No, it’s okay. You told me, so I guess I should tell you, except there is nothing to tell.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“Well, my mother was never present and my dad died when he ran into a burning building, trying to save someone trapped in there, and now I can’t stop being sad and salty about it.”

“Ouch,” I say.

“Yes, ouch,” He says.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, you can’t help it.”

Keith looks back at me again, but this time, he doesn’t smile. He doesn’t show any kind of expression. Neither do I. We just sit and stare at each other, pretending we didn’t just tell the other about very sensitive subjects the the second time we had an actual conversation. I’m really happy Keith brought me up here, both because I wouldn’t have seen the stars if it weren’t for him and now, I’m really sure that someday, we will mean a lot to each other, in one way or another. I really like that thought.


	3. Friends or Foes?

“Where the hell have you been?”

I look over to Tiffany’s bed, and there she sits, looking at me judgingly. “..and who the hell was that?”

I just stand by the door, not moving. “Can’t we talk about this tomorrow? I’m tired.”

“What? No, no, no, no, no, hold on,” Tiffany almost yells. “I think you owe me an explanation for sneaking away with an unknown guy after curfew and coming back  _ four hours later  _ with unknown guy’s hoodie on.”

“Has it been four hours?” I ask. I look at the clock on the wall and she’s correct: 1:35 AM. “Well, the hoodie is because I was cold-”

“Cold?” Tiffany is shocked. “Were you outside? Mickey, you are completely nuts!”

“I know, I know,” I say, putting my hand for my mouth. “But we were just on the roof, we-”

“The roof? That’s even worse!”

“I know what I said, Bauer, can you stop repeating me?”

“Sure, but you still haven’t told me who you were going with!”

“Because you keep interrupting me!”

“Well, sorry, but tell me!”

“It was Keith-”

“KEITH? You mean  _ the  _ Keith? As in Keith Kogane?”

I seriously want to bang my head against a wall, but unlike other people I know, I have self control, so I don’t. “Yes, how many Keith’s do you think attend this school?”

“I don’t know, but that loner barely talks to anyone, let alone invites someone to the roof of the. Fucking. Garrison!”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Uh, last time I checked, it is!”

I don’t answer her, I just walk over to the couch and sit down. I was in such peace coming back from the roof, but now I’m stressed. I hate being questioned like this, especially during the ungodly hours of the night. 

“Sorry,” Tiffany says, quieter this time. “But, as I said, Keith doesn’t talk with anybody. How did you manage to become his friend? Was it because of the fight?”

“Yeah, kind of,” I admit. “And the fact that I don’t actually pretend he doesn’t exist.”

“Touché,” Tiffany lays back down in her bed. “But he let you in pretty quickly, considering the fight happened this morning.”

“Yeah, but whatever,” I take off Keith’s hoodie, fold it and lay it on the sofa while making a mental note to give it back to him tomorrow. 

\-----

The rest of the week goes on really slowly. James hasn’t said a word to me since monday, but me and Keith has begun to spend more and more time together. He also seems to soften up a bit around me. Sure, none of our conversations has matched the one we had on the roof, and I haven’t followed him up there any more times either. I blamed it on needing to get some sleep, but I guess it actually is because I don’t know how to feel about breaking the rules. I am so boring, I know. Plus, Tiffany thinks that we like each other more than friends, which we don’t, and I don’t want to give her more fake evidence.

The rest of our group has also noticed our sudden friendship. Every time we walk up to each other there is always someone who looks weirdly at us. It’s starting to get annoying that they stare just because I befriended the one person no one else cared to. Maybe he wouldn’t be a ‘loner’ if people weren’t so fast at judging him. At the same time, he didn’t really make an attempt to befriend anyone either.

It is now weekend and me and my group are in the simulation room, doing drills. Even though I technically was on Keith’s side in the fight, and that I like simulations, it’s still annoying to be stuck here a weekend, when the rest of the Garrison does other fun stuff. Well, I’d just be in my room anyways. One good thing about this is that we don’t need to be in our uniforms, since Shirogane is holding the drills, and he is actually human, compared to Iverson.

We have been working non-stop for two hours now, and finally we get a break. The group does synced sighs in relief and leaves whatever they were doing. Shirogane walks into the room with a box in his hands. “Cadets! Since all of you have been working hard, and that it in fact is weekend, I’ve brought you some snacks and something to drink!”

The entire group cheers and rushes over to the box. Keith walks over to me and smiles. “Should I get some for you as well?”

“Yes, please!” I say and smile back to him.

While Keith gets snacks for us, I take off my cardigan and lay it on the floor for me to sit, since there are a limited amount of seats in here. I look o my side to see James talking with Sonia again, but this time he looks at me. We hold eye contact for a few seconds before the sound of footsteps and Keith saying “I have snaaaaacks!” interrupts us.

I look back at Keith and the sight makes me chuckle. He holds two Capri-Suns and two small bags of potato chips in his arms, and his smile is wide enough to cover half of his face. I didn’t think Keith would get all smiley because of snacks, but I’m obviously wrong. 

He crosses his legs and sits down before he leans over to me so I can take one item of each from his arms. “You should have seen me in the fighter plane simulator! I almost made it past level fifteen!”

“I don’t doubt that, Kogane,” I say. “You’re a natural when it comes to flying,”

Keith blushes. “You think?”

“Yeah!” I exclaim. “I barely make it past level ten, and still I’m considered a good flyer!”

He takes a sip from his Capri-Sun. “Maybe I am a natural then.”

“You definitely are,” I assure him.

“Keith!” We turn around in unison to see Shiro walk towards us. “Sorry if I disturb your conversation, but can you follow me for a moment?”

“Uh, sure?” Keith looks back at me and raises his eyebrows. “If it’s okay for you,”

“Yeah, of course!” I smile at him. “-if I get to drink the rest of your Capri-Sun.”

“Whatever,” Keith rolls his eyes jokingly before he gets up and follows Shiro.

As soon as they turn their backs at me I take Keith’s Capri Sun and begin to sip on it. He wasn’t gonna drink it anyways.

“So, you’re with Keith now?” I don’t need to turn around to know who it is.

“Yes,” I say, my focus still on the drink in my hand. “Is that a problem for you?”

“Can you at least look at me when I talk to you?” Griffin’s voice gets more aggressive.

“Why should I?” The words come out colder than I intend to, but I guess there’s no turning back now. 

“Listen,” He begins, and I know that the next sentence is going to be as filled with self pity as possible. “I came over here to ask if we could be friends again, to make sure we were fine, but when you won’t even look at me I begin to question if it’s even worth it.”

“Okay,” I finally look back at him. “Can you come back when you’ve decided if I’m worth it or not?”

That remark made him lose it. “Oh, fuck off, Michelle! First you defend  _ him _ in a fight both you and I know I was right in, and now you’re acting like this?”

I take a deep breath and look around us; the entire group is watching us, again. “You weren’t right in that fight, James.” I tell him, quieter this time. “You knew what you were doing when you mocked him for his parents, and you knew exactly how he would react but you won’t realise that some of your problems might actually be your fault.”

“This wasn’t a problem until you made it into one!” He screams even louder, and I wish Keith and Shiro could just come back and save me out of this one before it turns out really embarrassing. “If there is someone in here who needs to learn when to stop, it’s you!”

“James, please,” I say and stand up. “Can we talk about this later? Alone? This is definitely not the right time?”

“Oh? So now you can’t take a fucking stand, but you could just a few days ago?”

“James, stop-”

“No, I don’t think I will. Now it’s your turn to make a fool of yourself in front of our group, so you know exactly how it feels to have your best friend betray you!”

“I didn’t betray you, James! I did what I thought was right!”

“Really? I hope Keith swallows your lies easier than what I do, because this is just pathetic!”

“Don’t drag him into this, he has nothing to do with it!”

“ _ Cadets! _ ”

Shirogane’s voice echoes through the room and all the noise falls completely silent. He walks towards us in a rapid pace with a stern look on his face. “Care to explain what all this is about?”

“Ask Michelle,” James says and looks at me. “She’s the one who decided to be an ass-”

“HEY!” Shirogane looks James right in his eyes. “Don’t you dare use such words again!”

James doesn’t stop looking at me, his eyes filled with fury, and at that moment, I wished the past week never happened. I’m really grateful I befriended Keith, but I didn’t want the cost of it to be losing my all time best friend, whom I’ve shared so many ups and downs with, whom I’ve told everything, whom I’ve sworn to never leave. I don’t think I’ll ever get that back, and it’s all my fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gcvnkrlvenrklsvn I'm cringing so much at my own writing rn
> 
> Anyways, I'm shocked someone actually uses their time on reading this. If you're reading this: Hi! You're appreciated!


	4. Doubts and Regrets

When I get back to my room later during the day, I collapse on my bed and bury my face in my Pikachu-pillow. I just want to go to sleep and forget everything that’s happening right now. I hate the fact that even if James and I become friends again, this will probably leave visible stains on our friendship. I also hate that I needed to be so damn stubborn and get into the fight between him and Keith. If I didn’t, James and I would probably doing something funny right now at this moment, laughing at something funny he said and eating snacks and ice cream. I miss him so, so much and I want to throw myself into a wall for destroying what we had over something that wasn’t even my business.

I begin to cry. A lot. I just can’t hold it in anymore, and I’m so happy Tiffany is with her girlfriend right now, because I’d never show her this side of me. I twist and turn in my bed, sobbing and not knowing what to do with myself. I want to go to talk with Keith about this, because he knows exactly what’s going on, but then he’ll think I’m with him because I can’t be with James, and I don’t want to play around with his feelings like that. He deserves better than that. He deserves better than me. I think it’s better to be alone right now. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I am horrible. The fact that I need to see both of them tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that for two more weeks isn’t making me feel better.

When I manage to stop crying I just lay in my bed, staring into the wall in front of me. I feel empty, as I always do when I cry. It’s like I’ve just poured out all my emotions through my tears, and now I’m waiting for the empty emotion-glass to fill up again. It’s almost scary how it can shift like that.

I pull Pikachu closer to my body and look out over mine and Tiffany’s shared dorm. You can clearly see what furniture and decorations belongs to whom; mine are more pastel-colored and covered in flowers while hers are in all different shades of grey, black and white. It would look way better if we only used one of the furniture-sets, but neither of us gave in during the heated discussion of how the room should be decorated. Now the dorm looks exactly like what it is: decision anxiety. We don’t use half of the things in here, and the room is a complete mess, but we still managed to look kinda comfy and home-like. The only thing we agreed on about the room was that it should be nice returning here after a day of school. And it is.

On the opposite side of the room mine and Tiffany’s desks are standing. Mine are neatly organised while hers are just a place to stack random stuff. I never understood why she was so determined to have her own desk if she wasn’t planning on sitting there, but then she told me that she wanted it as a ‘placeholder’ and that she was ‘respecting my perfectionism’ enough to not stack her stuff on mine. I didn’t bother asking her to explain further. To the left of my desk my guitar was hanging on the wall together with a very untuned ukulele I never play. I just think playing the guitar is funnier and sounds better.

I walk over to my guitar, pick it up and walk back to my bed again. I sit down and begin to play for a bit. At first, it’s just random strumming, but then I find myself repeating the same four chords over and over again.  _ Am, G, E minor, F. A minor, G, E minor, F. _ Of course I play this, it’s my favorite song of all time to play on guitar, plus the chords are relatively easy, so I don’t really need to focus.

_ This night is cold in the kingdom _

_ I can feel you fade away, _

_ From the kitchen to the bathroom sink and,  _

_ Your steps keep me awake _

_ Don’t cut me down, throw me out, leave me here to waste, _

_ I once was girl with dignity and grace _

_ Now I’m slipping through the cracks of your cold embrace _

_ So please, please, _

_ Could you find a way to let me down slowly _

_ A little sympathy, I hope you can show me _

_ If you wanna go then I’ll be so lonely _

_ If you’re leaving, baby, let me down slowly _

I know the lyrics by heart now. Just because Tiffany isn’t here, I sing louder than I use to.

_ If you wanna go then I’ll be so lonely _

_ If you’re leaving, baby, let me down slowly _

A memory pops up in my head. 

_ I’m about six years old, and I’m at home. I have my mother’s way too big guitar in my lap, and she’s helping me put my fingers on the right strings to pull a D-chord. “Okay, now, drag your fingers over the four bottom strings.” _

_ I do as she says, and it sounds horrible, which makes her chuckle lightly. “No, sweetie, you have to press the strings , or else it will sound like that.” _

_ I try once again, and I can feel the strings digging into my fingertips. This time it sounds much better, and I squeal with happiness. “I did it!” _

_ “Yes, you did!” She smiles and pats my cheek. “It sounded as good as when I play. Now, can you take the chord again without my help?” _

_ “Uhhh,” I say while I look at the frets, having completely forgotten what I just did. “No.” _

_ “No?” She says and raises her brows. “Come on, Michelle, I know you can do it!” _

_ I giggle at her. “Nooo, I forgot!” _

Someone knocks on the door, pulling me out of my memory-cloud. I lay my guitar down on my bed and walk over to the door. When I open it I’m met by an iconic shy smile. “Keith?”

“You sing beautifully” He says and looks down at his shoes, and I could swear I saw a blush from behind his mullet.

I get a bit startled. The only one who have heard me sing at the Garrison is Tiffany. “How long have you been standing there?”

“A minute, maybe?” He admits. “Anyways, I just wanted to, you know, check up on you, considering what happened earlier today.”

“Oh,” I say. “Well, uh, I guess I’m fine. Why did you sneak up on me like that? I thought no one heard.”

“It wasn’t meant to eavesdrop, but I didn’t want to disturb you from your ‘you’-moment either. Are you sure you’re fine?”   
  


“Yeah,” The emotions I thought I could get rid of by playing suddenly comes back, and I feel my throat burn again. “Or at least I will be.”

“Can I come in? You know, to keep you company.”

“Sure,” I say and move so he can get through the door.

He looks around the room. “Nice combination of colors.”

I tell him the story about me and Tiffany being stubborn with furniture, earning a light chuckle from Keith. “Why am I not surprised?”

“I don’t know, I guess you know me by now,” I say. 

“At least I seem to know you enough to not be surprised by your stubbornness.” 

I take my guitar and place it on the hanger before I lunge myself on my bed. He sits down besides me. “How are you, Michelle?”

“I’m fine,” I say, obviously lying.

He lays down, and now our faces are only inches apart. “Look, you don’t have to tell me, but just so you know, I’m here for you, even though we’ve been friends for less than a week.”

“Has it just been a week?” I ask. “It feels like I’ve known you for way longer.”

“Same,” He says and looks directly into my eyes. “I guess we get along pretty well. We have to thank James for bringing us together like this.”

_ James.  _ The sting of pain comes back to me. Keith realises what he said and apologises quickly.

“It’s okay, I’m just sensitive,” I say.

“I don’t think you’re that sensitive, though,” Keith smiles gently. “I get that James means a lot to you.”

“He does.” A tear rolls down my cheek. “We’ve been friends since we were really little, so he’s been with me as long as I can remember.”

“How did you guys meet? Were your parents friends since earlier?”

“Yeah, they were,” I say. “Our mothers attended the same school and were kind of best friends. When they got us they probably got the idea that we could become friends, since we were the same age. Anyways, we met like once a week thanks to our mothers, so we grew closer over time.”

“Did your mothers try to set you up as a couple as well?” Something in his voice sounds off when he says it, like it’s bothering him. Does it bother him that we’re friends?

“I don’t really know,” I admit. “Mom has asked me a couple of times if I liked him, though, but my answer was always no.”

“Why?”

“He’s just not my type, plus I’ve known him for too long in my opinion.”

“Understandable.”

The tears are flowing down uncontrollably now. Suddenly, Keith puts his hand to my cheek and wipes them away with his thumb. I can’t help but to enjoy his touch, it’s so warm and soft.

“Sorry if I’m forcing you to talk about this,” He says, still having his hand on my cheek.

“It’s okay,” I respond. “It’s actually nice talking about it and, you know, get your emotions out.”

“Yeah, sometimes it’s better to let the feelings through instead of holding them in.” He agrees. “And you shouldn’t be afraid to do so in front of me. I don’t think you’re more sensitive because of that.”

I smile at him through my tears. “Thank you, Keith. It means a lot, really. And, if there is something you want to talk about with me, don’t be afraid to. I’ll listen, whatever it now is about.”

“Of course,” He says and smiles back, still resting his hand on my cheek. “But, unlike you, I don’t really think that much. I prefer to just do.”

“You say?” I pretend to look shocked. “I thought you were like this extreme thinker. I never would have known if you didn’t tell me.”

He chuckles. “I guess I’m pretty transparent.”

We lay there for the rest of the night, just talking about whatever comes into our minds. I feel the sadness disappear more for every passing minute. I’m really happy Keith decided to check up on me, it definitely saved my night.


	5. Cuddles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder: The characters are older in my plot line than they are canonly. Otherwise this chapter would be very... Interesting. Anyways, happy reading!

I wake up the next morning by my alarm blaring on the highest volume, as usual. Still half asleep, I reach out to my bedside table to try and shut it off. When I manage to do so I sigh with relief and lay back again. I almost fall back asleep when I realise I’m not alone in my bed. 

The memories from yesterday come back and I find myself resting my head on Keith’s arm. He has the other one wrapped around my waist and his body is tightly pressed against mine. He breathes heavily in my neck, and I begin to blush like crazy and contemplate if I should wake him up yet or not. The fact that he managed to sleep through my alarm makes me wonder how he’s always in time to our first periods.

I try to fall back asleep again, knowing three more alarms will go off before I need to actually wake up, but I can’t. Thanks to my human backpack, I’m wide awake. I can’t decide whether I like him being  _ this _ close or not. I kinda feel claustrophobic, but I don’t want to wake him up yet, either.

I try to crawl out of his arms, but his grasp is way too strong. “Keith? Are you awake?” I whisper.

No answer. Great. How did we even end up like this, anyways? Thank the gods Tiffany isn’t here, or else this would be the only thing she talks about the entirety of next week.. “Keith? Wake up!”

Of course he doesn’t wake up now, either. And to top it off, my second alarm starts to ring.

Finally, the boy starts to move. “Uhhh,” He says groggily. Then, he stiffens up and flies away from me. “Oh god, I am so sorry.”

“I actually had quite a hard time breathing,” I say jokingly and turn over to face him. He sits with his back to the wall and his knees to his chest. He hides his face in his hands in embarrassment. “Sorry, I didn’t know I did that,” He says.

“It’s okay,” I reassure him. “You couldn’t help it.”

He doesn’t move for a while. My third alarm goes off, and I turn it off once again. “Why do we need to have drills on the weekend? I could have just slept the entire day instead.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” He says. “I really did act stupidly that day.”

“But if you didn’t,” I begin and smile at him. “We wouldn’t have become friends.”

“That’s true,” He admits. “But we wouldn’t have become friends if you didn’t stand up for me.”

“But we wouldn’t have become friends if you didn’t reach out afterwards.”

We chuckle. “Then, the efforts were mutual,” Keith says.

“Yup,” I say. “Should we go up?”

We get out of bed and I look myself in the mirror. My hair is all over the place, I still wear my clothes from yesterday and it really looks like I’ve had a good sleep. “I look like shit.”

Keith eyes me up and down and squints. “Yeah, you do. I hope you don’t walk outside of your room like that.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t.”

I take new clothes from my drawer and walk into the bathroom to change, while Keith walks home to his own dorm. 

\-----

After we’ve eaten breakfast in the cafeteria, it’s time for our second day of drills. Today, we’re going to clean the entire simulation hall, and believe it or not, it actually gets pretty dirty after just a week. We were split into pairs to clean different parts of the room, and me and Lance were assigned to clean the single simulators together, while Keith swabs the floor with Hunk and James. The Girl Squad, Sonia, Nadia, Rika and Fern cleans the bigger simulator. 

Me and Lance decided to clean the simulators together instead of taking four each, just because we won’t get out earlier if we’re done, plus it’s nicer to do things together, so you can talk while working. I wipe off the control panel while Lance swabs the floor and the walls.

“My back hurts,” Lance complains. “Wanna switch?”

“It has just been ten minutes!” I say. “Clean faster, then you’ll be done sooner!”

“Ten minutes? It can’t just be ten minutes since we started! It feels like I’ve been cleaning forever.”

“Same, but we gotta do what we gotta do, so stop whining!”

“Just because you can sit down while you clean!”

“McClain, your complaining won’t make it easier, so if you want to talk, please do it about something else!”

“Fine,” He says, and I can literally hear him smirk. “Rizavi is kinda hot, right?”

“Nadia?” I ask and chuckle. “Yeah, I guess. Are you gonna ask her out?”

“Maybe,” He says. “But I don’t know if she’ll say yes. I’d like to, though.”

“You’ll never know if she says yes before you ask her!” I state. “But do you really like her, or do you just wanna, you know..?”

“I mean, right now, I just think she’s hot, but if we go out a couple of times, I might like her in the future, but as you said, I never know until I ask!”

“Maybe you should figure out how serious you want it to be?” I ask. “-so you two are on the same line. I get a feeling from Rizavi that she’s quite serious in the love-department, you know.”

“What kind of love? Being in love or making-”

“ _ Lance! _ ”   
  


“Sorry, I had to.”

I lay my focus on the cleaning again. “Just don’t break her heart too much when you leave, okay?”

“I’ll do my best,” He says, somewhat ironically before he changes subject. “So, how are you and Griffin doing?”

“Can people stop bringing him up?” I was just getting happy that me and Lance can talk about something else than him, but I guess not. “What happened, happened. Hopefully, things will figure themselves out sooner or later.”

“Yeah, sorry for bringing him up,” Lance says. “But I just want you to know, so you’re aware: he has said a couple of pretty bad things about you lately.”

“Of course he has,” I try to sound unaffected by what I just heard, but I can’t help to feel a shot of sadness.

“Hunk and I know that what he says about you isn’t true, but I don’t know how the others take it.” Lance admits. “Some things he has said is just too harsh, even for him.”

I don’t answer, because I don’t know what to say. I’m glad to know the truth, but at the same time, I wish I didn’t. I know from earlier experiences that James loves to talk shit, but a part of me hoped that he wouldn’t do that about me, just because I am me. God was I wrong, once again.

Another thing I hate about this situation is that everyone is suddenly included in a thing that started between Keith, James and I, and that everyone I talk to these days has to bring it up. Right now, I’d feel relieved if someone asked me if me and Keith were in love, just because it would go off subject for a couple of minutes. It feels like James is a bigger part of my life now than what he was before everything happened. Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyy, I finally pulled myself together enough to post a new chapter!
> 
> Sorry for my inactivity, I've just had a lot going on right now, but I'll try to post more frequently


	6. Apologies and Confessions

The next couple of weeks goes on relatively quickly and our dreaded weekend of drills are finally over. Today is friday and tomorrow is the first free day I’ve had in a long time. I can’t wait to sleep as long as I desire and just walk around in ugly sweatpants all day and do absolutely nothing. I know it’s silly, but my mood today is literally better just because I’m free tomorrow. I swear that Keith wants to kill me so badly for jumping around him happily telling him this. The looks he gives just proves my theory.

Math is our last class for today, and I can’t concentrate at all. I keep doodling in my notebook, or doodling in Keith’s notebook, or doodling in the maths book. Nobody escapes my doodling today. “You really get happy for the smallest of things, don’t you?”

“It’s not happiness, Kogane, It’s euphoria,” I correct him. “And yes, I do. I think it’s an awesome personality trait of mine. I mean, I can get happy over finding out that we have ice cream in our fridge, or that I finished my homework quicker than I thought. Life is happy as long as you make it one.”

“I don’t doubt that,” Keith says and smiles vaguely. “Wanna teach me someday? I could use some of that.”

“Anyday, Kogane, except for tomorrow, because you know what day it is tomorrow?” I ask him.

Keith sighs deeply and replies “free day” with fake excitement.

“Cadets!” We look forward to see commander Holt blaring at us from the front of the classroom. "I get that it's the last class of the day, but can you  _ please  _ be quiet? You're disturbing the rest of the class."

"My apologies, commander Holt," I say as nicely as possible. He looks at us one more time before he returns his focus on the rest of the class. Without a warning, Keith jams his elbow into my stomach, making me turn over in pain. "Hey! What was that good for?"

"I don't know," Keith smirks. "I just felt like it."

I slap the back of his head as response. "Then, I felt like doing this."

"You should be glad I like you," He says.

I raise my brows in confusion. "What?"

"Nevermind," he says and averts his gaze to his notebook.

\-----

After math class I head back to my room, but someone stops me before I get there. When I turn around I see a very familiar pair of brown eyes. "James?"

"Hey, Michelle," he says, clearly uncomfortable. "Uh, can we talk?"

"Aren't we talking right now?" I ask him. I don't have anything to say to him, I just want him to leave me alone. 

"I mean, like, in private?" James looks me in the eyes, and he actually seems sad, but I don't dare to believe him, considering how easily he lies.

"Sure," I finally say. "But make it quick."

I follow him into a smaller corridor that isn't filled with people. I lean my back against a wall, waiting for him to talk. 

James sighs. "Michelle, I am so sorry. I have acted like a big, fat swine these last couple of weeks and I know there probably isn't a way to make it up to you, but can we be friends again?"

"When did you realise this?" I ask him. I have to admit that I'm a bit scared to let him in again, knowing he could turn his back on me without hesitation.

"I think I realised it more and more as you grew closer to Keith," he says, voice filled with embarrassment. "Your friendship with him seems so nice and it kept reminding me of ours and how much I actually miss you. Don't get me wrong, Sonia and the others are great, but they're nothing compared to you. You did the right thing, but apparently I'm too egoistic to see that."

I have mixed emotions. Honestly, I've waited so long to hear James say this, but at the same time it feels like he doesn't mean it. He  _ never  _ realises stuff like this on his own, so either he truly wants to have me back or he's making it all up. At the same time, I don't want to judge him too quickly. Perhaps he actually means it?

"Maybe we should try to forget all of this and go back to how it was?" I say, more to myself than to him. "I think it's the best for both of us."

James smiles a smile that seems very genuine. "Yeah, I think so too."

The brown haired boy opens his arms and I hesitantly walk into them and embrace him. It sounds weird, but it felt like such a long time ago since I breathed in his scent like this. The familiarity of it is so comforting, and I really wish I wouldn't doubt him so I can enjoy the moment entirely.

\-----

I spend the rest of the day with James, catching up and getting to re-know each other. He has apparently got to know that his cousin or something is pregnant and that it's a boy and he's very excited about teaching him his flying skills when he grows up. James also told me he has a thing with Sonia now, and that she was fine with him being friends with me. He hasn't asked me about much yet, so I guess everything truly is back to normal. Not that I have anything to tell him either, since nothing of major worth is going on in my life at this point anyways. I also don't have anything against just listening to him, since it's been like that forever. I guess some things aren't supposed to change.

When I get back in my room at about 7:30 after dinner I directly throw myself onto my bed, which makes Tiffany laugh. "You're a whole mood, Mickey."

I groan. "I'm so tired, I don't know if I'll manage to get out of bed before monday."

"You don't have to," Tiffany says. "I can bring your meals to your bed if you'd like."

"Bauer, you're an angel," I tell her.

"I know," she says and chuckles. "By the way, I'll be at Fern's tonight, so it's the perfect opportunity to invite your sweet little boyfriend Keith over."

I look at her and frown. "Okay, one: which part in 'I don't know if I'll manage to get out of bed' was unclear to you? And two: Keith is  _ not  _ my boyfriend."

"Suuuuure, honey." Tiffany smirks. "Maybe you should tell him that, too."

"Sorry, but I don't copy," I say, confused.

"Girl, the boy looks at you like you're the love of his life," she says.

"No, he doesn't!" I almost yell at her. "You just love to overanalyze things!"

"You could ask  _ anyone  _ at the Garrison about this and they'd agree with me," Tiffany states. "You just don't see it, because you're Ms. Oblivious."

I don't answer, I just press my face against my pillow. Keith is  _ not  _ in love with me, and I am not in love with him. No. Nope. Won't happen. Ever. Tiffany can dream on.

It doesn't take long for my body to realise how exhausted it is and I drift off to sleep in a matter of seconds afterwards.

\-----

I wake up from my slumber when someone knocks on the door to our dorm. I hear Tiffany saying that she'll go get it and the door opens. "Oh, hi, Keith."

"Hey," he says back. "Is Michelle here?"

"Yeah, but she's asleep, so you need to wake her up yourself. A friendly warning that she gets kinda aggressive when you do so."

"I'm not aggressive," I chime in with a raspy voice. "You're just sensitive."

"Told 'ya," Tiffany says to Keith.

I sit up in my bed and rub my eyes. "Morning."

I look at Keith and clearly see that something is bugging him. It's hard to describe, but the little sparks of life in his eyes aren't there as they use to. "Is everything alright?"

He searches for Tiffany, and when he understands that she's in the bathroom he says "not really. Can we go to the roof together? I'll tell you there."

"Sure," I say and get up, still a bit dizzy from my nap. I look myself in the mirror and see that I still wear my uniform, and my previously neat ponytail is all over the place. Oh well, I can fix that later.

"See you later, Bauer!" I shout as I follow Keith into the depths of the Garrison corridors. It's a bit earlier than our usual roof-hangouts, so we don't have to hide from anybody yet.

The boy is dead silent on our way up. I don't know what to say to him at all. I want to tell him that whatever he's upset about is going to be alright, and that I'm here for him, but how? I'm awful at comforting people, or saying the right things at the right time. It's even worse when I don't even know what's wrong. I think being quiet is the best thing I can do at the moment.

When we arrive at the roof Keith walks over to the spot we sat on the first night and has ever since. I follow closely behind. We sit down together and he still hasn't said a word. I don't force him to, either.

We watch the stars in silence. My gaze wanders from one star to another and I can't help to wonder if they actually blink or if it's just my vision fooling around with me.

"Maybe I should tell you why I dragged you up here with me," Keith says after a while.

"Well, if you feel like it," I answer.

He smiles at me. "I just want to be alone right now." Pause. "Alone with you, if that makes sense."

"Definitely," I say. "I'm glad to be your alone-buddy."

He laughs a bit before he's serious again. He doesn't say anything more after that. I doubt that's the whole truth. He looks way too sad to just 'want to be alone'.

Keith sighs. "Not so long ago I got to know that Shiro, commander Holt and his son Matt are going to Kerberos."

Oh.  _ Shiro _ .

"- and it's not the fact that he's going and leaving me here, because he's a good pilot and he knows what he's doing, but today I overheard a conversation between him, admiral Sanda and commander Holt. Apparently he has a disease that will put his health at risk if he goes on the mission, but Shiro is Shiro so of course he wouldn't listen to them."

I understand why he's so upset now. Lately, Shiro and Keith had become really close and they spend really much time together. Ever since they met, Shiro cared for him and believed in him when nobody else did. Shiro is the reason Keith got accepted to the Garrison from the beginning, despite his flaws in the discipline department. He told me all of this not so long ago, when we sat on the same spot we do now.

Keith sniffs. "I hate to admit it, but I'm really worried for him. Who knows what could happen to him out there?"

"I completely understand," I say to him. "But you should trust him. He's experienced, and as you said: he knows what he's doing."

"I know," Keith's voice is unsteady, like he's about to cry. "But still. Even Admiral Sanda advised him to stay here, and she has her rank for a reason."

I put my hand on his shoulder in a comforting manner. "I know, but everything's gonna be alright. Shiro isn't alone on this mission, you know. He has Commander Holt and his son with him. Things will figure themselves out, I promise you."

Keith looks at me and lays his hand on top of mine. "You're probably right. I should trust Shiro on this. After all, he knows himself best. Thank you, Michelle."

"No worries," I smile at him. "You would have done the same thing for me."

The boy smiles a half-hearted smile back at me. "Of course I would. If anything ever bothers you, just tell me. I'll always listen, and I'm always here for you."

"Always?"

"Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you saw my "hidden" references, I love you. If not, I still love you for reading my story. Tbh I never thought anyone would even find this. Ok bye


	7. Insanity

It is now one year since Shiro, Commander Holt and Matt went on the Kerberos mission and one year since Keith went into a state of continuous unease because of it. No matter what I tell him, his mind is always filled with infinite amounts of  _ what if _ s. 'What if the mission fails? What if the ship breaks? What if Shiro's health gets worse?  _ What if they die?' _ At first I thought he was just overdramatic, but now I'm not so sure.

They should've been back on earth two months ago.

But they're not, and they haven't shown any signs of life either according to the Garrison. They are sure they'll come home soon, though, or at least that's what they tell us every time someone asks about it. That doesn’t make Keith’s state of mind any better: The last couple of days he’s barely talked to me, and when I’ve asked him to hang out or go to the roof his answer is always “maybe later” or “I don’t feel like it” or simply “no” before he’d walk away or continue with whatever he’d been doing at the moment. He’s distancing himself from me at a rapid speed, and I’m having a hell of a hard time keeping up. It’s really difficult to be there for him and provide him with support when he barely lets me in anymore. I hate it so much.

We’re walking to our dorms together after a normal day of school, mostly because I made him agree to do so. I tried to small talk with him earlier, but stopped due to his lack of answers. I begin to feel a little annoyed with him now. I put a lot of effort to make him feel better, and has done for quite the time, and this is how he treats me back?

When we stop outside my dorm he barely looks at me.

“See you tomorrow, I guess,” he says quickly before he walks off, not even hugging me goodbye as he use to.

“Keith!” I shout after him, making him stop again and look at me with unbothered eyes. I walk towards him and sigh deeply. I need to know if I’ve done something wrong. “Why are you shutting me out?”

“I’m not shutting you out,” he states and averts his gaze to the floor.

“Yes, you are.” I know I shouldn’t push it further, since he’s clearly in a bad mood already, but I can’t really stop myself. I’ve wanted to ask him ever since he went colder, and now is my chance. “Why? Have I done something wrong?”

“No, you haven’t,” he says, an annoyed undertone stinging in his voice.

I really should stop talking, but I don’t. “Then, why are you basically ignoring me? You never spend time with me, damn, you barely  _ look at me _ anymore! You’re slipping away, Keith, and-”

“Can you  _ please  _ stop talking, Michelle?” Keith cuts me off. “I don’t have time for this!”

The anger is slowly creeping up on me as well. “Oh, okay? What can you possibly do that is so time consuming that you don’t have the time to talk to your best friend? Please tell me, because I have no idea!”

“Well, I don’t know if it has occurred to you yet that Shiro is gone?” Keith takes a few steps towards me, his eyes completely locked onto mine. “Because he is, and I don’t believe for a minute that it’s just a delay on the ship’s arrival. He’s out there, and he needs me, so no, I do not in fact have time for you right now!”

Ouch. “But what can you do, Keith? You don’t even know what’s going on or where they are or-”

“Shiro. Is. Missing!” He screams at me and people around us gives us strange looks. “The only one who has ever cared for me is gone, and you think I’d simply go on with life and pretend he isn’t?! Because no, Michelle, that’s not what I’m doing and right now I’m just wasting my time explaining to you why I’m not hanging out with you! Please, just leave me alone and let me do what I need to!”

The anger I’ve earlier felt throws itself out of my window just as shame enters. “Of course,” I say as I take a few steps back, my throat already stinging. “I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone from now on, I promise.”

I feel horrible and selfish and ashamed. Keith is right: while we speak, Shiro might be dying and I’m over here, worrying that my best friend is pushing away. I’m pathetic, and horrible at prioritizing. I just wanted to be a good friend, but look at me. I’m always only caring about myself.

I turn around and walk back to my dorm without saying anything more. I don’t expect Keith to follow me, but it still stings when he doesn’t. 

When I get into my dorm I’m met by Tiffany’s raised brows. “You okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” I say but I clearly don’t mean it. I don’t know if I’m sarcastic or lying, either. I just said it.

“Well, you look ‘hella sad, so I don’t believe you at all.”

“Am I that see-through?” I ask, chuckling half-heartedly.

“Girl, you don’t even know,” She says and turns over in her bed. “Tell me.”

“It’s nothing, really,” I lie, once again. “I’m just sensitive.”

Tiffany raises her eyebrows in disbelief. I walk into the bathroom to change both my clothes and the subject. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

She says no more after that, which I’m grateful for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!
> 
> Guys, I'm sorry for taking so long to post a new chapter. Not to hide behind a bunch of excuses, but I didn't have a computer to write on over the summer (since I borrowed mine from school) and I kinda lost motivation to write for a while. I also apologize that this chapter is so short, but the next one will be longer, I promise. Thank you for reading this fanficiton, and I'll see you soon!  
> /PF


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